R'nooj McDanooj

He may look like a clown, but he doesn't clown around when it comes to SCIENCE! As the head of McDanooj R&D, R'nooj McDanooj works endlessly for YOUR enjoyment! After countless hours reverse engineering all types of life on Earth, he finally developed and presented the perfect sandwooj: the McDanooj Burger Sandwooj. But that wasn't enough for R'nooj. He will never be satisfied. There is no end to his laboring. We salute R'nooj McDanooj for his hard work and service in the name of quality fast food delicacies, and each McDanooj location is a temple to his greatness.

The Ham Diddler

What comes to mind when you hear the word "diddler'? Is it the word "cheat"? "Con artist"? "Swindler"? "Bilk"? The other synonyms associated with this word? Well it should be! The Ham Diddler isn't a force to be reckoned with, but he poses no danger to you so long as you aren't one of our competitors! This greasy ginger may not look imposing, but he can break into our competitors and break kneecaps faster than you can break into a six and a half piece McDanooj Nugget Combo. This suave spy to no foe to McDanooj, no siree Bob. This man is second only to R'nooj. Perhaps one day you too can have a singular moist glove just like the Ham Diddler.

Admiral McDanooj

Avast, our loyal customers! R'nooj McDanooj needs your help! Join Admiral McDanooj, third in command at our fine fast food factory, as he sails the high seas and beyond in search of the swashbuckling Joy Combination Cartel! Join him on his adventure through the Sea of Soda as he hunts down these teenage rapscallions! Certified in every martial art and having served in over 50 World Wars, Admiral McDanooj is the crusty old codger you want with you on this adventure! And if you don't, well you'll get used to the smell soon enough.

Wry Face

Late one night at the McDanooj Labs, R'nooj McDanooj experimented with a new innovation on a classic sandwich: pastrami. He studied every bit of Sandwich Theory in order to craft the perfect meal. He thought he had it. He thought he had the perfect combination. But when he tasted the fresh, seedy bread removed from his oven, well, let's just say it was "wry" bread he concocted. This experimental bread cased him to shift and morph, his face contorting and oozing until a new being emerged. Much like Zeus giving birth to Athena from his forehead, that day R'nooj McDanooj gave birth to Wry Face, a grouping of emotions R'nooj can no longer feel as they have now formed their own sentience in the form of a large, scowling face. Ever the vigilant guardian, Wry Face is always watching, hoping that you have a great time at your local McDanooj.

The Starch Goblins

What is a potato? Where do they come from? Are French fries really French? These are the questions posed by McDanooj Labs and we delved deep for the answers. Literally! Far, far beneath the Earth, farther than most dare to tread, is a grand, spired city of menacing iron spikes. Inhabiting these hallowed halls, the Starch Goblins toil endlessly in service to their Great Potato God. Don't be mistaken by their labors. They aren't suffering. They like the pain. We treat them humanely and offer them fantastic prices on their produce in the ever expanding potato market. Ever see a spike in potato prices? Well that's because their unions went on strike and we had to accommodate. Ever see a potato? I doubt it. And if you think you have, you haven't. Real potatoes are only produced by the Majestic Starch Goblins of the Underground and served up fresh daily at your local McDanooj.

The Joy Combination Cartel

DANGER! Wanted by the law under the HIGHEST AUTHORITY: The Joy Combination Cartel! Watch yourselves, McDanooj customers. You don't want to be anywhere near these DELINQUENT TEENS! It was a dark and stormy day at a McDanooj location much like your local establishment when this criminal organization struck! Using distraction as well as bait and switch tactics, the group managed to steal six HUNDRED Joy Combinations! Using the storm for cover, they hid from Admiral McDanooj then sailed off into the sunset. Emboldened by their crimes, they now sail the high seas in search of more Joy Combinations! And if that isn't enough, they've formed their own labs and creation their own counterfeit Pleasure Combos! Be wary, customers, and remember that the ONLY place you can get a Joy Combination is at your local McDanooj restaurant!

The McDanooj Hunter

Who is the McDanooj Hunter? Well wouldn't you STILL like to know. You won't. We're not telling. The McDanooj Hunter is out there and he will not stop until he has exacted vengeance. Are you the target of said vengeance? I hope not. You'd better hope not too.